I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
