It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
