Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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