I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
