Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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