Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
