Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
