i need an iv and a liver transplant
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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