Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
