Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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