So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
