My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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