ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
