You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
