We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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