I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
