The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
