I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Small penises have feelings too.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
