I love black thongs
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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