you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
