It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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