Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
