You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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