I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
