I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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