I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
