The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
