so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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