i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
