very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
