I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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