He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
