So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think my fart just growled at me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
