last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
