12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
