Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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