it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
