hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
