I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
