I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sext me about skeletons
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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