Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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