just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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