No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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