I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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