My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
