party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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