Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
