God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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