Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
