My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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