i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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