Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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