This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
