well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
