So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
