I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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