It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
how drunk are you?
Several
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
