If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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