This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
