Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize