Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
