FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
