Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
