will power is for people who don't want to get laid
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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