so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize