if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
