I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
