The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
