Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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