I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I AM VODKA MAN
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
