After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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