left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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