I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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