i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
