I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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