I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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